if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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