he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
