I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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