Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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