Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
