My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
are you so shy because you have an std?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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