Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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