the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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