I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
