She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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