I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
