Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
