I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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