First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
