FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
