I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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