Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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