i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
