I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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