y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
