even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
