What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
