there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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