I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
