I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
