is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
