Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Holy shit dude........stairs
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
