Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
