You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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