wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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