About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
