My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
