Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
