so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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