She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
