I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
