You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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