I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
