i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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