No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
