maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
