lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
and she was petting her beer can
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
