I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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