is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
