Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
