I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
