I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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