dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
