i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
