i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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