Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
