so that wasnt chicken after all
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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