Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
