we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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