You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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